My first job here in New York City was Urban Outfitters. No job to bag or tell your friends about. Not something that boosted my ego up to high.But it meant finding friends and a way to pay my rent.  I've been working there for just about two years now. Throughout that time I can't even start the list of how many people have come and gone there. Its completely understandable. Retail is a painful job. You don't know or understand until you have experienced it yourself. Until about six months ago, i have not seen one person leave the store. This to me is insanity! Usually people are running out the door looking for another job. On an average about i get about ten phone calls a day asking if we are hiring ( which the answer is no, but we are accepting applications) and that's just me, not counting the other fifteen people answering the phone daily. There are also the people who walk into the store asking for a job application and asking the same question "Are you guys hiring?" and yet again i have to give them the settle let down.  I have never seen grown men and women  come ask me how they can get a job at Urban outfitters, it makes me sick just thinking that these well educated people are placed on the same level as the special ed boy Daniel that works in the men's department folding shirts for hours straight.  I have come to believe that we hired him to for fill our equal employment opportunity.  This scares me. Better yet I'm horrified to lose my job to. I want to get out of New York and move to Portland. I would be transferring from one urban Outfitters to another, but what if all their positions are filled and they have no more hours to give out because they are not moving enough money. They just don't have enough money for payroll? This makes me horrified and miserable.  i don't want to be here in New York any more so now I'm scared to move and have to come back and live with my parents because I'll be so broke. 

I take two economics classes, one right after another. I can't tell you how depressing these classes are. I love to know whats going on and how everything works but i can;t handle it.  It boggles my mind in how we are going to pull out of this recession. And how much further we are going to hit. Today i was walking out of class and i walked by a street vendor selling hats. What stopped me was his bright sign that read "RECESSION SPECIAL $3.00" Yes this was comical but also extremely sad. 

An Unfair World

"Life's not fair"
I always hated it when someone would tell me that.
"Maureen life's not fair, you don't always get what you want"
I never really understood what this meant until recently. Growing up everyone always told me that I could be whatever I want if i tried hard enough.I think everyone is given that same talk. In high school I can remember thinking that i was going to be something great some day. I just had this gut feeling that i was better then the rest. I had something that they were lacking.
Soon did i find out, I was not the only one who taught this. Coming to New York I feel so insignificant. Little fish in a big sea kinda thing. I don't feel like I have so much to offer anymore. Searching for what I once believed so firmly of.

Going to College, trying to make something of myself in this shitty world. Searching for a way to leave a mark. That's why i went into business, i thought that it was a little more meaning full then A liberal arts degree. But the way our economy looks, they are equally as meaningful. I'm paying and working so hard to be here and get a good experience, when in the end i hate everything about it. The world is funny how some people have so much, and so many people have nothing. How harmless children are born into crack families and raised with nothing, and some are raised with millions.

Life is not fair. Never will it be. I wish I had the money to do half the things i would like to do. Go to the college i want instead of BMCC, get out of new york, travel, this in an endless list . Life would not be so bad if we could all live like Paris Hilton, minus and drugs and eating disorders. My opportunities would be endless, i would know people and have the money to do things.

But for now,
I'm going to keep working my awful job at Urban Outfitters and attending a school that i despise I'll keep trying to make the best for me. Because we all no Life's not fair.