Monday, April 27, 2009
Thesis Proposal
In the novel Things fall apart, it takes you through the life of a village in Nigeria. The constant fight between old tradition and new tradition. Okonkwo wanted rituals and culture to stay the same. He thought and believed that they way things were being done was the right way. At this time the white man started coming into near villages and started church's. This brought in religion and changing some of the old customs and ways. Okonkwo was sent to live in another village for a crime that he had committed. When he came back his village was run be the white man and the church. I want to write my essay on how religion effects us and our culture. What role it takes in our lives as a community and as a whole. What religion does on our old traditions and beliefs.
Monday, March 30, 2009
My first job here in New York City was Urban Outfitters. No job to bag or tell your friends about. Not something that boosted my ego up to high.But it meant finding friends and a way to pay my rent. I've been working there for just about two years now. Throughout that time I can't even start the list of how many people have come and gone there. Its completely understandable. Retail is a painful job. You don't know or understand until you have experienced it yourself. Until about six months ago, i have not seen one person leave the store. This to me is insanity! Usually people are running out the door looking for another job. On an average about i get about ten phone calls a day asking if we are hiring ( which the answer is no, but we are accepting applications) and that's just me, not counting the other fifteen people answering the phone daily. There are also the people who walk into the store asking for a job application and asking the same question "Are you guys hiring?" and yet again i have to give them the settle let down. I have never seen grown men and women come ask me how they can get a job at Urban outfitters, it makes me sick just thinking that these well educated people are placed on the same level as the special ed boy Daniel that works in the men's department folding shirts for hours straight. I have come to believe that we hired him to for fill our equal employment opportunity. This scares me. Better yet I'm horrified to lose my job to. I want to get out of New York and move to Portland. I would be transferring from one urban Outfitters to another, but what if all their positions are filled and they have no more hours to give out because they are not moving enough money. They just don't have enough money for payroll? This makes me horrified and miserable. i don't want to be here in New York any more so now I'm scared to move and have to come back and live with my parents because I'll be so broke.
I take two economics classes, one right after another. I can't tell you how depressing these classes are. I love to know whats going on and how everything works but i can;t handle it. It boggles my mind in how we are going to pull out of this recession. And how much further we are going to hit. Today i was walking out of class and i walked by a street vendor selling hats. What stopped me was his bright sign that read "RECESSION SPECIAL $3.00" Yes this was comical but also extremely sad.
Monday, March 2, 2009
An Unfair World
"Life's not fair"
I always hated it when someone would tell me that.
"Maureen life's not fair, you don't always get what you want"
I never really understood what this meant until recently. Growing up everyone always told me that I could be whatever I want if i tried hard enough.I think everyone is given that same talk. In high school I can remember thinking that i was going to be something great some day. I just had this gut feeling that i was better then the rest. I had something that they were lacking.
Soon did i find out, I was not the only one who taught this. Coming to New York I feel so insignificant. Little fish in a big sea kinda thing. I don't feel like I have so much to offer anymore. Searching for what I once believed so firmly of.
Going to College, trying to make something of myself in this shitty world. Searching for a way to leave a mark. That's why i went into business, i thought that it was a little more meaning full then A liberal arts degree. But the way our economy looks, they are equally as meaningful. I'm paying and working so hard to be here and get a good experience, when in the end i hate everything about it. The world is funny how some people have so much, and so many people have nothing. How harmless children are born into crack families and raised with nothing, and some are raised with millions.
Life is not fair. Never will it be. I wish I had the money to do half the things i would like to do. Go to the college i want instead of BMCC, get out of new york, travel, this in an endless list . Life would not be so bad if we could all live like Paris Hilton, minus and drugs and eating disorders. My opportunities would be endless, i would know people and have the money to do things.
But for now,
I'm going to keep working my awful job at Urban Outfitters and attending a school that i despise I'll keep trying to make the best for me. Because we all no Life's not fair.
I always hated it when someone would tell me that.
"Maureen life's not fair, you don't always get what you want"
I never really understood what this meant until recently. Growing up everyone always told me that I could be whatever I want if i tried hard enough.I think everyone is given that same talk. In high school I can remember thinking that i was going to be something great some day. I just had this gut feeling that i was better then the rest. I had something that they were lacking.
Soon did i find out, I was not the only one who taught this. Coming to New York I feel so insignificant. Little fish in a big sea kinda thing. I don't feel like I have so much to offer anymore. Searching for what I once believed so firmly of.
Going to College, trying to make something of myself in this shitty world. Searching for a way to leave a mark. That's why i went into business, i thought that it was a little more meaning full then A liberal arts degree. But the way our economy looks, they are equally as meaningful. I'm paying and working so hard to be here and get a good experience, when in the end i hate everything about it. The world is funny how some people have so much, and so many people have nothing. How harmless children are born into crack families and raised with nothing, and some are raised with millions.
Life is not fair. Never will it be. I wish I had the money to do half the things i would like to do. Go to the college i want instead of BMCC, get out of new york, travel, this in an endless list . Life would not be so bad if we could all live like Paris Hilton, minus and drugs and eating disorders. My opportunities would be endless, i would know people and have the money to do things.
But for now,
I'm going to keep working my awful job at Urban Outfitters and attending a school that i despise I'll keep trying to make the best for me. Because we all no Life's not fair.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Finger prints
I went into the bank the other day to finally get direct deposit. It's been over a year and a half working at this awful retail job, and i finally took the time to get direct deposits. So as the teller is doing all the necessary steps to getting me direct deposit i stumble across this small little box, that looks like an ink pad. So i curiously stick my finger in it to see what it was. As my prior hypothesis was correct it was indeed an ink pad for your finger prints. I quickly started putting all my fingers in it and putting my finer prints all over. My point it that I had never though that someones finger print could be so different from someone else. That with all the billions and billions of people we are all different.
Like my finger print, we all have a different story and or experience or enlightenment. I see enlightenment as doing something different and gaining knowledge and experience from it.
i would relate my enlightenment to Immanuel Kant's piece. I know it may sound a bit cliche or perhaps lame but moving away from home was huge for me. I did not know anything other then it. I was in this bubble, I'm from a small town where the most exciting thing that happens is grandmas cat got stuck in the tree. I would go to school work, maybe hang out with a few friends, come home my mom would have dinner ready and then i would do my chores and go to bed. This was a set schedule for I'd say about seventeen years of my life. It was comfortable. But i wanted more, I wanted to be free and experience the world for myself. So it was then i decide to break free. ( Like the song break free by Queen, it would make perfect back round song)
I just turned eighteen, I found a small cute apartment in Long Island City with my sister. My dad dropped us and our stuff off and went back home. I was free. No more parents to tell me what to do, clean my room wash the dishes, i could bring guys home or maybe just not come home. I soon learned that with the good comes bad. I did my rebelling at first but soon after i realized how much I depended on my parents. I had not eaten a home cooked meal in about two months. i had stickily survived off of goldfish and gummy bears. Not the most nutritious but it worked. Quickly life was taking a swift turn down hill. Right then and there I told myself that I was a grown up and I could and was going to take care of myself. So i got a job, and stared to learn how to cook.
A year latter here I am still living with my sister, but this time around I am an adult. I cook clean and work full time and I'm a full time student. i knew that there was better out there besides my small town Wurtsboro, and I found it and conquered it. I'm proud of myself and all that i have learned. I accomplished so much in the course of almost two years. And because of that I call this my enlightenment.
Like my finger print, we all have a different story and or experience or enlightenment. I see enlightenment as doing something different and gaining knowledge and experience from it.
i would relate my enlightenment to Immanuel Kant's piece. I know it may sound a bit cliche or perhaps lame but moving away from home was huge for me. I did not know anything other then it. I was in this bubble, I'm from a small town where the most exciting thing that happens is grandmas cat got stuck in the tree. I would go to school work, maybe hang out with a few friends, come home my mom would have dinner ready and then i would do my chores and go to bed. This was a set schedule for I'd say about seventeen years of my life. It was comfortable. But i wanted more, I wanted to be free and experience the world for myself. So it was then i decide to break free. ( Like the song break free by Queen, it would make perfect back round song)
I just turned eighteen, I found a small cute apartment in Long Island City with my sister. My dad dropped us and our stuff off and went back home. I was free. No more parents to tell me what to do, clean my room wash the dishes, i could bring guys home or maybe just not come home. I soon learned that with the good comes bad. I did my rebelling at first but soon after i realized how much I depended on my parents. I had not eaten a home cooked meal in about two months. i had stickily survived off of goldfish and gummy bears. Not the most nutritious but it worked. Quickly life was taking a swift turn down hill. Right then and there I told myself that I was a grown up and I could and was going to take care of myself. So i got a job, and stared to learn how to cook.
A year latter here I am still living with my sister, but this time around I am an adult. I cook clean and work full time and I'm a full time student. i knew that there was better out there besides my small town Wurtsboro, and I found it and conquered it. I'm proud of myself and all that i have learned. I accomplished so much in the course of almost two years. And because of that I call this my enlightenment.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Backwards Town
I wish I could say that I have lived an extravagant life, with great exciting stories from my travels. Or the ability to take out my photo album and impress my friends with my vacation photos. One can only wish for so much. It's not that I am a bore and choose not to travel, it's simply that I don't have the funds or the time. The last journey I was on was in April of last year. It wasn't anything special, it meant leaving my little apartment in Jersey and just getting away. It was spring break, so I took off a week of work so my boyfriend and me could drive down and visit his mother and stepfather in South Carolina. This was the first time I had ever been down south and the first time meeting the parental units. This place was like none I have ever been to before. I'm originally from upstate New York where people move approximately three times slower then the real New Yorkers do. For example, if you order a cup of coffee your bound to get it in about two and a half to three minutes, here in the city I would say thirty five seconds and in South Carolina you would receive your no longer hot cup of Joe seven minutes latter. They only thing I can compare it to is this book I use to read when I was young called Mr. Fixits opposites by Richard Scarry. I was a story where everyone is doing everything backwards.
It took us twelve hours to drive there, we drove straight through only stopping twice for coffee junk food and a bathroom. I can't complain too much, being that I slept just about all twelve hours down. When we finally got there, I had that awful knot in my stomach. That feeling where you don't know if you want to throw up or you just have to poop. I had to make a good impression, for it was the first time I was meeting the woman who gave this boy that I love life. I have to pass the mom test. I had to prove that I was not just some girl, that I was the girl, the girl she approved of. I've been through many of these mom tests before it's not like this was my first, but it's always nerve-racking the first time. The first night she was so into Brent (my boyfriend/her pride and joy; her son) that I was just there. Which did not bother me at all, being in a car for twelve hours I was not up to Jeopardy game of questions that I knew was soon to come.
For the next few days Brent and I just hung around the house and went to the beach that was just a few minutes away. Then latter in the night we would all go out to eat and small talk about what’s going on in our lives. The next day we all took the day and went fishing on their boat in the river. It was a nice day, it was beautiful out and we just floated in the river admiring the scenery and enjoying each other’s company. As we were getting off the boat, tying it to the dock taking all our thing out, She called me a name that she once held so near and dear to her heart, "Ashley”. This was Brent’s former girlfriends name, whom I found out she was crazy about, and wanted as a daughter-in-law. Everyone makes mistakes. We all call someone the wrong name at some point in our life. It was awkward I will admit, I had a little resentment for her but just for a minute or two.
The next day came, a fresh new day. She had asked me to help her clean around the house before we took off and did our daily activities. "Ashley can you Vacuum the dogs made a mess in here" At this point I was just thinking okay this woman just hates me. Maureen, Ashley no way in hell do they sound alike. This time she caught herself and said that she accidentally calls people the wrong name all the time. A few hours after I had finish vacuuming, she yells out "Ashley! Look the dogs made a mess already just after we cleaned up" OKAY. This was just about my breaking point. Did she not know my name was Maureen, I even told her she could call me Mo for short. So maybe she really thought our names were alike because this Ashley girl and me do not look alike at all. Complete opposites, I have the features of an Irish toe head and she, an Italian or some Spanish decent. At this point I just accepted that she was never going to forget this girl no matter how many mom points I scored. This girl already racked in all the points and there was no more left for me. At this point I had given up all hope in her liking me, and this I was okay with me. By the end of with week she got my name right, I could leave knowing that she finally knew that I was not Ashley. She might not have liked me but she finally got my name right. We packed up said our goodbyes and headed back home to Jersey. I left there we horrible sunburn, bottles a sunscreen 70 SPF that obviously did not hold up to it’s end and the thought of this woman knowing my name. I had never been more excited to come home to my sweltering hot apartment, my two kittens and my catty roommate. I just don’t think I can cut it for a Southern Bell and I think I’m okay with that.
The snow is done falling
Change is approaching, almost like a flower
Ready to become something new
It took us twelve hours to drive there, we drove straight through only stopping twice for coffee junk food and a bathroom. I can't complain too much, being that I slept just about all twelve hours down. When we finally got there, I had that awful knot in my stomach. That feeling where you don't know if you want to throw up or you just have to poop. I had to make a good impression, for it was the first time I was meeting the woman who gave this boy that I love life. I have to pass the mom test. I had to prove that I was not just some girl, that I was the girl, the girl she approved of. I've been through many of these mom tests before it's not like this was my first, but it's always nerve-racking the first time. The first night she was so into Brent (my boyfriend/her pride and joy; her son) that I was just there. Which did not bother me at all, being in a car for twelve hours I was not up to Jeopardy game of questions that I knew was soon to come.
For the next few days Brent and I just hung around the house and went to the beach that was just a few minutes away. Then latter in the night we would all go out to eat and small talk about what’s going on in our lives. The next day we all took the day and went fishing on their boat in the river. It was a nice day, it was beautiful out and we just floated in the river admiring the scenery and enjoying each other’s company. As we were getting off the boat, tying it to the dock taking all our thing out, She called me a name that she once held so near and dear to her heart, "Ashley”. This was Brent’s former girlfriends name, whom I found out she was crazy about, and wanted as a daughter-in-law. Everyone makes mistakes. We all call someone the wrong name at some point in our life. It was awkward I will admit, I had a little resentment for her but just for a minute or two.
The next day came, a fresh new day. She had asked me to help her clean around the house before we took off and did our daily activities. "Ashley can you Vacuum the dogs made a mess in here" At this point I was just thinking okay this woman just hates me. Maureen, Ashley no way in hell do they sound alike. This time she caught herself and said that she accidentally calls people the wrong name all the time. A few hours after I had finish vacuuming, she yells out "Ashley! Look the dogs made a mess already just after we cleaned up" OKAY. This was just about my breaking point. Did she not know my name was Maureen, I even told her she could call me Mo for short. So maybe she really thought our names were alike because this Ashley girl and me do not look alike at all. Complete opposites, I have the features of an Irish toe head and she, an Italian or some Spanish decent. At this point I just accepted that she was never going to forget this girl no matter how many mom points I scored. This girl already racked in all the points and there was no more left for me. At this point I had given up all hope in her liking me, and this I was okay with me. By the end of with week she got my name right, I could leave knowing that she finally knew that I was not Ashley. She might not have liked me but she finally got my name right. We packed up said our goodbyes and headed back home to Jersey. I left there we horrible sunburn, bottles a sunscreen 70 SPF that obviously did not hold up to it’s end and the thought of this woman knowing my name. I had never been more excited to come home to my sweltering hot apartment, my two kittens and my catty roommate. I just don’t think I can cut it for a Southern Bell and I think I’m okay with that.
The snow is done falling
Change is approaching, almost like a flower
Ready to become something new
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Who am I ?
As for who I am, well I don't know well enough myself to tell anyone else. If I were to describe myself then that's not so hard. But the question of who am I, well to that I have no answer. As for describing myself here it goes:
Caucasian
Red hair
Blue eyes
I'm extremely fair and I have freckles covering my entire body
5"5 (last I checked)
I wear a size 8 in shoes sometimes 8 1/2
I have a tattoo of a stick figure moving my lawn ( in an area that grandmother would not approve)
I have a bad temper
Little to no patients
I moved to New York City when I was seventeen years old. I graduated high school a half year early and moved to Long Island City with my sister who was twenty at the time. I thought by relocating myself I might find out what or who I wanted to be in this world. I started attending BMCC thinking that when i finally got out of there i was going to be this amazing success. How utterly wrong I was. I went in determined to be a business major, telling myself that I was going to make it to the top, head honcho. Four semesters later and I'm unsure if business is even the route I want to take. My goals? Life, school, today, now, change more then I change my underwear. My goal for life? I want to be happy and successful like everyone else. I think a job as a buyer, someones personal stylist, or even both for a multi-million dollar corporation. That would be nice. But again doing nothing all day sounds equally enticing. As for my goal in school, well I suppose I should get another degree in fashion to pursue my life goals. Today's goals, finishing my homework before work at three. My now goal, finishing this blog.
World Literature, not really my thing. I took a creative writing class last semester and I loved it. Writing whatever come off the top of my head, awesome! It might also have to do with the fact that I was writing poems that were similar to Dr. Suss and Shel Silverstein. I'm not one for Shakespeare or to be honest any of the authors we are required to read. I like to read authors such as Charles Bukowski, George Orwell, Ernest Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson, Kurt Vonnegut, Fitzgerald etc. etc. etc. Although I don't have much interest in our required authors I'm always in for a good read and learning new things. I don't have much knowledge on world literature, so that's why I'm here. I want to leave this class being able say " The Tempest by Shakespeare? I already read it " I want to leave here a little more well rounded in literature.
A Million little pieces by James Fray was the last book I read. It was a life story about a man that was into sex, drugs and alcohol. It told his journey through hospitals, rehab and women. He was an alcoholic and a crack addict. He would do just about anything to get either or. He found himself having sex with prostitutes and doing drugs in abandon warehouse. He finally checked into a rehab and met a girl that was just as bad off as he was. They tried to help each other through the awful struggle. She ended up leaving the rehab multiple times and ended up using again. The story ended with him clean. Personally I enjoyed reading this. For some reason I like reading sorties about sex, drugs and how fucked up peoples lives are. This book is just that. I can't really say there is all that much I dislike about it. The only thing was James Fray got riped another one my Opera because supposedly it's not all true. So throughout the book I kept thinking" Is this part true?" Besides that, Stellar. I would pass it along to someone else. So far i have not found that book that changed my life, or my way of thinking. I'm on the hunt for it and maybe I'll find it here.
Caucasian
Red hair
Blue eyes
I'm extremely fair and I have freckles covering my entire body
5"5 (last I checked)
I wear a size 8 in shoes sometimes 8 1/2
I have a tattoo of a stick figure moving my lawn ( in an area that grandmother would not approve)
I have a bad temper
Little to no patients
I moved to New York City when I was seventeen years old. I graduated high school a half year early and moved to Long Island City with my sister who was twenty at the time. I thought by relocating myself I might find out what or who I wanted to be in this world. I started attending BMCC thinking that when i finally got out of there i was going to be this amazing success. How utterly wrong I was. I went in determined to be a business major, telling myself that I was going to make it to the top, head honcho. Four semesters later and I'm unsure if business is even the route I want to take. My goals? Life, school, today, now, change more then I change my underwear. My goal for life? I want to be happy and successful like everyone else. I think a job as a buyer, someones personal stylist, or even both for a multi-million dollar corporation. That would be nice. But again doing nothing all day sounds equally enticing. As for my goal in school, well I suppose I should get another degree in fashion to pursue my life goals. Today's goals, finishing my homework before work at three. My now goal, finishing this blog.
World Literature, not really my thing. I took a creative writing class last semester and I loved it. Writing whatever come off the top of my head, awesome! It might also have to do with the fact that I was writing poems that were similar to Dr. Suss and Shel Silverstein. I'm not one for Shakespeare or to be honest any of the authors we are required to read. I like to read authors such as Charles Bukowski, George Orwell, Ernest Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson, Kurt Vonnegut, Fitzgerald etc. etc. etc. Although I don't have much interest in our required authors I'm always in for a good read and learning new things. I don't have much knowledge on world literature, so that's why I'm here. I want to leave this class being able say " The Tempest by Shakespeare? I already read it " I want to leave here a little more well rounded in literature.
A Million little pieces by James Fray was the last book I read. It was a life story about a man that was into sex, drugs and alcohol. It told his journey through hospitals, rehab and women. He was an alcoholic and a crack addict. He would do just about anything to get either or. He found himself having sex with prostitutes and doing drugs in abandon warehouse. He finally checked into a rehab and met a girl that was just as bad off as he was. They tried to help each other through the awful struggle. She ended up leaving the rehab multiple times and ended up using again. The story ended with him clean. Personally I enjoyed reading this. For some reason I like reading sorties about sex, drugs and how fucked up peoples lives are. This book is just that. I can't really say there is all that much I dislike about it. The only thing was James Fray got riped another one my Opera because supposedly it's not all true. So throughout the book I kept thinking" Is this part true?" Besides that, Stellar. I would pass it along to someone else. So far i have not found that book that changed my life, or my way of thinking. I'm on the hunt for it and maybe I'll find it here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)